I’m so full of good intentions,
I hardly ever do the stuff I mention.
Seems that I should realize,
But I thought of the greatest thing last night!
- to the tune of “Good Intentions” by Toad the Wet Sprocket

What do you do with a great slothsome beast
Who has always got his nose in the Fancy Feast?
I tried dancing and singing, but his chowing never ceased!
He consumes 15 pounds every day at least!
- to the tune of the Oompa Loompa song from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

If I were a cat named Pandora,
Thinking everyone hated me,
I’d cower and skulk to minimize my bulk,
And if anyone noticed, I’d flee!
- to the tune of “Time a Bottle” by Jim Croce

If I were an overweight feline,
The first thing that I’d go and do
Is to eat all my food in a jiffy,
And then, I would come whine at you.

I would claim that I had never eaten.
At least, not in recent years!
I’d howl and moan in a hungerous tone,
Crying giant wet starving cat tears!
- to the tune of “Time a Bottle” by Jim Croce

If I were a bountiful ground sloth, locked up in a sooty fire flue,
I’d pine and I’d moan, in lusty o’ertones, and if that didn’t work, I’d mew.
I’d wiggle and shake and cause little earthquakes of the loveliest iridized hue,
Scattering drops in puddling plops from the branches of nearby dewed yew.
- to the tune of “Time a Bottle” by Jim Croce